Don’t Suffer in Silence

While attending Journalism school at UW-Milwaukee, Wisconsin, I began dating my best friend my first semester of college.  I was happy and excited to be a part of a college.

Making friends was somewhat easy for me, but I was very hard on myself.

I was my own worst enemy, my self-talk was horrible.  Self-talk is what we tell ourselves.

Starting my second semester, my boyfriend and I went to the cafeteria for breakfast.  I began to have what I call the first panic attack of my adult life.

This panic attack changed the course of my entire second semester.  After feeling dizzy, shaky, and like I had “nowhere to run,” I never went to the cafeteria again.

This was the worst mistake I could have made, but at the time I was terrified to tell anyone.

You need to eat to live, and I knew this of course, but I figured that I would use the microwave and make myself macaroni and cheese-the disgusting microwavable mac and cheese that I ate every single night for over three months because of my unrealistic fear of the cafeteria.

At the time, I thought that I was running from my panic. If I could simply ignore the cafeteria, my anxiety would go away. This fear only made my world smaller.

I grew hungry and tired. My mind began to suffer, and so did my body.

Everything began to scare me; boarding the bus, going to the store, and even walking to classes.  My stomach would literally ache and churn each morning that I woke up to face yet another day of horror.

The reason that I told no one was simple, and the reason why most of us don’t tell people-We fear so intensely what others will think.

Anxiety should never be stigmatized, and those of us who suffer shouldn’t do so in silence.

Throughout the years, I have learned that my panic attacks are a false alarm to what is perceived in your body as real danger.

Doctors and therapists describe this feeling as fight or flight.

Medical problems like cancer or diabetes are not any different than mental disorders. Wouldn’t you tell your friend if you had a broken arm?

There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of something that you can’t control.

Hiding your anxiety is dangerous.  It can lead to extreme isolation as well as alcohol and drug abuse.

In fact, those that suffer from panic disorder have a four to fourteen times greater chance of substance abuse, and the suicide rate is much higher as well.

I hid my anxiety from my best friends, my boyfriend, and everyone that I was afraid of losing in my life.  Little did I know that had I told them I was suffering in fear alone, I wouldn’t have suffered so intensely.

I know first-hand how incredibly hard it is to tell anyone that you suffer from anxiety. These are easy tips to start the conversation:

  • Make a list of the friends that have supported you in the past.
  • Tell the people that you spend the most time with about your anxiety.
  • Share with a co-worker for support and understanding.
  • There are tremendous resources to share with your friends to help them understand anxiety.  It’s easy to send a link about panic to a best friend or spouse.

Your counselor should have some great resources to share with friends.

Once your loved ones understand what you’re going through, state the kind of help that you want from them.  Be specific with the type of understanding you need.

You may need your co-worker to understand that if you’re experiencing an anxiety attack at work it can affect your mood.

Isolation is another feeling that I experienced.  Let your good friends know to call you if they haven’t heard from you in a few days.

Friends are people that care about you! You’re not bothering them by sharing.  They come to you with their problems as well.

After having lived with anxiety for over seventeen years, the best source of support you can find to help you manage your disorder are truly the people that care about you.

Sharing with others will prevent you from isolation, substance abuse, and suffering in unnecessary silence.

Conquer Anticipatory Anxiety

Control is something that those with anxiety struggle to maintain to ease feelings of fear. If you’re like me, you want to know who is going to be at an event, how many people, and where the exit or in my case, the escape route is.

Dealing with social anxiety is very real and scary for those of us who have it. The fear of no control, forced interaction with others, and judgement from others is overwhelming.

For me any perceived loss of control can bring on extreme anxiety for me. I have missed countless weddings and family events due to my anxiety.
Common “self-talk” I would engage in:

• What if I say something stupid?
• What if they can see me shaking?
• What if I fall?
• What if people know I’m anxious?

These are all negative things that our anxiety tells us. It’s “self-talk” that will doom you to failure if you think about any of them constantly.
After many events passed, I began to tell my doctor it was impossible for me to make plans with anyone. He told me that I suffer from anticipatory anxiety.

He gave me an unconventional technique that I practice in my mind when a large event or family function is near.

This may sound counterproductive, but to begin attending events you must act or trick your mind into thinking you’re not going. It sounds strange, but it works! This simple “mind trick” will take all pressure and perceived anxiety off your shoulders.

When my doctor first gave me this advice I was as happy as a lark. I figured I didn’t have to attend any events anymore. But the opposite effect happened. I haven’t missed an event in over a year!

The largest events like Christmas or Thanksgiving I completely put out of my mind. In your mind, you have complete control if you want to go.
If you place a large amount of pressure on yourself you are bound to be worried. If you feel like a failure or a loser, as I always have when I couldn’t attend an event, negative “self-talk” began before the event was even posted on my calendar.

If you have an event coming up and you’re freaking out this unconventional way to tell yourself to calm down and get through this overwhelming fear truly works. It tricks you into staying calm for the time leading up to your event, thus eliminating anticipatory anxiety.

The old me would have just worried for days until the day of the event and then been paralyzed by fear from my anxiety. Now I don’t worry because I act as though I’m not going.

When the day of the wedding or baby shower arrives, I am completely relaxed and truly excited to go. I have found myself checking the time of the event now instead of the opposite old Kristine who knew exactly what time I was supposed to arrive.

 Go to the profile of Kristine Barney